


losing touch with reality

by tyrosretell



Series: the last question [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Connie’s very Not Cool with Pink Steven at first, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Separation from Gem, Trauma, Well - Freeform, but she changes her mind dw, especially because of what his presence means, for now, just a little, not exactly healthy for a gem-human hybrid, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21968635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrosretell/pseuds/tyrosretell
Summary: “He’s gone,” he said. “I failed.”“Wefailed,” Connie said, suddenly understanding because she was his Knight, and he was his Gem.-Steven doesn't come home one day, but his gem does.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Pink Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Pink Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pink Steven Universe & Steven Universe
Series: the last question [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581430
Comments: 15
Kudos: 251





	losing touch with reality

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the amazing SU Gone Wrong AU that spudinacup has going on Tumblr. After all, what better way to celebrate the holidays than with angst? :'D

“ _I'm losing sight,_

_I'm losing touch._

_All these little things seem to matter so much,_

_that they confuse me,_

_That I might lose me._ ”

— “Here Comes a Thought”, Steven Universe

* * *

They still hadn’t found the body. Connie choked at the thought.

They still hadn’t found _Steven._

Steven Universe said goodbye and left at 7:55pm for the Gem-Teacher Association meeting. He didn’t come home at the usual time. They assumed he got held up in his errands. After all, Steven had been so, so busy lately.

He didn’t come home at midnight, either.

Pearl called Connie when the clock struck 2:00am. It was the most horrifying phone call of her life. Pearl’s words were incoherent—all Connie could make out were _Steven_ and _gone_ and sobbing, and she immediately leaped onto Lion even though she would get kicked out for leaving without notice for a second time because Space Camp meant _nothing_ compared to Steven.

They searched.

Oh, they _searched._ From Beach City to Empire City they covered more ground and sky and water than any other mission but they found nothing.

* * *

The door opened at exactly 4:32 in the morning. Connie will hear later that when Pearl saw who had entered, she rushed over to embrace him.

“ _Steven!_ ” she cried. “Where have you _been?_ Everyone’s been out looking for you for _hours!_ Where were you? Why didn’t you tell us, call us, text us—do anything that would have let us know you would be getting back so late—?”

He wasn’t hugging her back.

Something wasn’t _right_ , and so she released him to take a closer look. He still hadn’t said a word. 

He’s all pink, his expression is blank, and there’s—there’s _blood_ all over his jacket and shirt—

The door opened again.

“Garnet, Lion, and I searched every inch of Empire City. No one’s seen him, which is _ridiculous—_ how can it be difficult to find _one guy_ in a _bright pink jacket?_ ” Connie walked in, frustrated from another ( _useless, useless,_ useless) search, and when she saw _him_ it was like time—

slid out of place—

because she knew—

she _knew_ that if this Steven was there, then—

_no_

_nonono no_ **_NO_ **

and the next thing Connie was conscious of was the feeling of her ( _soft, too soft_ ) hands beating against his shoulder, which was too hard ( _hard light, he’s made of hard light now, she remembered studying the differences between gem and human, how Steven showed unique traits of both, Steven Steven Steven_ ) to be flesh, it wasn’t _right—_

and someone’s screaming _Where’s Steven where’s Steven where’s Steven_ and Connie didn’t realize it was her own cracking voice until Pearl’s pulling her back from _him,_ arms around her, _restraining her—_

and Connie goes back, back to Homeworld, back to Pearl restraining her as she’s forced to _watch Steven—_

and Pearl reeled back as Connie clocked her on the temple, near her gem, her hand itching for Rose’s sword—

and then Garnet was there, shoving them both apart.

“ _Everyone chill out!_ ”

* * *

The next ten minutes were some of the worst of Connie’s life, second only to the actual experience. Connie had to explain to everyone why _he_ was absolutely, completely wrong. She had to explain what had happened on Homeworld. She had to explain that if _this Steven_ was here, then _their Steven_ was—was—

She did all the talking because he wouldn’t speak to _anyone._ Not about what happened nor where Steven ( _his body oh god no no no_ ) was. Nothing.

Instead, he stared at her. Just stood there in the center of the room ( _eye of the storm_ ), emotionless expression a contrast to the explosive emotions that were surrounding him, staring at her.

Connie wiped her eyes with her sleeves. Her fists were still clenched and shaking, but there was no fight. She needed to blow her nose, but instead she met his stare with a full Maheswaran glare.

He cocked his head in response. It was a pale imitation of curiosity with his ( _empty, is he even alive?_ ) eyes.

Connie covered her face and felt ( _frustration rage sorrow grief her best friend and maybe more was probably_ dead) exhausted. 

Pearl had left soon after her explanation to continue searching for Steven. Her eyes had been wide—unstable. Amethyst decided to follow to make sure she was okay, but her own face was more white than purple. Garnet had unfused upstairs, and Connie could still hear muffled screaming and sobbing from Ruby and Sapphire. Someone still needed to call Greg. It would probably have to be her.

Connie was left alone to deal with ( _her failure_ ) watching over… him. No one else could stand to look at him.

Something cold fell lightly on her hand.

Connie flinched, looking up from her hands to see the source sitting across from her. Her face twisted, and she had to swallow a shout. No. She couldn’t afford to continue letting her emotions cloud her judgement. This was… This was a part of Steven.

Connie sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. Tears had left her eyes dry and sore.

“We need to get you changed out of those clothes,” she finally said, moving to rise.

“No.” The cold feeling became a cold grip. It wasn’t a pull, but it stopped her from completely rising to her feet.

“What?” Connie straightened, her eyes flying open at the first thing she had heard from him since ( _SHE’S GONE_ ) he had entered the house. He was still staring at her with those ( _dead_ ) eyes. This close, she could see that his pupils were in the shape of diamonds. She couldn’t remember if his eyes were the same back when—when she had first seen him. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to remember.

His gaze fell from her to the dried blood stains on his jacket.

“No,” he repeated, voice so soft that if she closed her eyes she could almost imagine that it was—wasn’t him that was speaking. His free hand brushed across the stains, and Connie saw something like longing in his eyes. “All that’s left.”

The few crackers Connie had consumed in between the moments of panic and uncertainty as fuel for searching ( _she remembered thinking she would search all night and all day if she had to, she would find him, she would find him, she had to find him, he can’t be gone again_ ) stirred in her stomach. It was one thing to suspect where the blood had come from. It was another to have it be confirmed.

“He’s gone,” he said. “I failed.”

“ _We_ failed,” Connie said, suddenly understanding because she was his Knight and he was his Gem, and she moved to hold his other hand as well, their foreheads falling close together, and there was— 

light— 

pink— 

darkness— 

and then roaring, **clashing** , muscle sinew tearing bone snapping, **falling** , pain, pain, blinding pain, **mission: save the body** , Connie Dad Garnet Amethyst Pearl help me please, **where where where** , it hurts so much, **follow the red trail need to find him protect him** , everything hurts can’t breathe can’t breathe, **find him protect him** , so tired so sorry can’t stay awake no one’s coming such a failure so weak, **there he is there he is there he** —

**why isn’t his chest moving the body has to breathe the heart has to beat—**

**have to make it breathe make it beat one two three—**

**cracking splintering shattering—**

**twenty-eight twenty-nine thirty—**

**one two three—**

**why isn’t it** **_working_ ** **—**

**mission: failed?**

**no**

**nonono no** **_NO_ ** **he can’t be—**

 **_I_ ** **can’t be**

In a flash, they fell apart.

Connie was wrong. She was so, so horribly wrong. He had all of Steven’s memories _and_ all his emotions, he just didn’t know how to express it. And Steven—his human half— _Oh God,_ Connie thought.

There were a million new things to address with the information she had just been given, but for now… 

She grabbed his—grabbed _Steven’s_ hands and met his eyes.

“Nothing’s okay right now,” she said, “but I’m here. We’re here. The Crystal Gems are here. No matter what happens, we’ll find a way.” A way to fix this? A way to deal with it? A way to cope? Connie didn’t know, but she knew they would do it together, and she hoped that she conveyed it well to Steven. 

He didn’t respond. After a few seconds, she couldn’t look at his eyes ( _like ice, such a contrast to the melting chocolate of Steven’s eyes, would she ever see those again?_ ), but she knew it was Steven now ( _so stupid of her to have ever thought otherwise_ ). She pulled him into a hug.

Slowly, she felt arms wrap around her as well.

“Flexibility, love, and trust,” he murmured tonelessly by her ear.

* * *

“ _Take a moment remind yourself to,_

_take a moment and find yourself,_

_Take a moment and ask yourself if_

_this is how we fall apart?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued.


End file.
